Liberals treat dogs like people, Conservatives treat people like dogs

Thursday, January 11

Friday Fives

1. Do you look at yourself carefully in the mirror before you leave for the day?

carefully? not at all. I know exactly what I look like, so I only look for abnormalities. The only time I give me face a good focus is when shaving. I don't like my face in the winter, it is pasty and ghostly. Someone as near handsome as me looks better tan.

2. How has luck/chance/facts-of-life/God/karma/nature treated you so far?

ridiculously well. I am so blessed it makes me sick. That is why I am a Dem, because I want to give some back to my community.

3. Would you rather: Be mechanically induced to scream at the top of your lungs for an hour - or - have your eyes glued shut for a day?

the second one, I could deal with the blindness if only for one day. I would just stay in bed. There is a way to mechanically induce screaming in me, it is every Broncos game. I scream when I am excited and I scream when I am angry. When I actually go to games, which is rare because it is incredibly expensive, my voice takes days to recover.

4. If you were a superhero, what would be your kryptonite?

kryptonite, duh

5. Is there an animal you would never have as a pet?

Dunno, as we don't have kids... I am a very big pet person. Have two dogs, cat, and some fish now. I'd like a menagerie of animals, though. Did I use that word right? If so, how dazzled are you by that word? Seriously, y'all, I had to look that shit up. See what I do for you? If it weren't for my love of travel, my house would be a zoo. That beind said, probably a yeti (sasquatch). Not only do those things eat a LOT, they crap the weight of a gallon of milk every three or four hours. They smell really bad. They smell like wet dog, about 10 of them. And no, you can't potty train them.

One cool thing about having a yeti, is people would stop picking on me at work. Hear that, Josh? I am gonna get a yeti who is gonna rip off your arms and beat you with them. Seriously, you are a jerk. I hate you, you are such a jerk. Why are you so mean to me? Do you care that I am a person with feelings? Wait until my yeti gets a hold of you. You'll be sorry then.

Ok, I changed my mind. Turns out I would like a yeti for like a week or something.


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