My new phone

I have the sweetest new phone on the planet. Seriously, it is way nicer than yours, and that is just stating fact. Check out the picture. It takes remarkable pictures and videos. It gets satellite radio. Seriously, there are friggin' satellite's circling the Earth exclusively to deliver Huey Lewis to my phone. Also, it plays movies. MOVIES! When I powered my phone up yesterday, it asked me (the phone, that is) asked me if I wanted to watch Scarface. How does one handle such a question? Of course I said yes, because I didn't want a horse's head in my bed.

Then, of course, it told me it was $4. Four bucks? Screw that. That movie is a zillion years old. Why didn't you tell me that before you got me all excited? Still, this screen is considerably bigger than my iPod, and came with stereo headphones. Why not watch movies on it? It also has video games which are way more cool than anything I ever had growing up. It knows the weather, and knows where I am to deliver the weather. To say my phone is a 'personal digital assistant' would be to undermine it's abilities.

So, my phone is the greatest... and it handles my memos and e mails too. Oh, and the coverage is dope. It roams, so I have mad coverage. It does everything a computer and walkman and GPS satellite receiver and date book and hot little redhead assistant could do. I have polyphonic ring tones. I don't know what that means either, but I bet you don't have polyphonic ringtones.

So, I feel kinda like I am talking about of class when I tell you this: um... it isn't really a great phone. I mean > it is a great PDA and e mail tool and MP3 player and all that. It is the best satellite radio station thingy I have. It just isn't a well designed phone. It is way too slim to be comfortable in my hands. Also, it is too slim to hold in the crick of my neck when my hands are full. That is hands free operation to me, and this little bugger doesn't do it. Now, I need to go about and buy a proper phone... the kind that just makes phone calls.

It is the Samsung 'Blade'. They advertise it being thin as a credit card. To be fair, that is a great attribute... for a credit card. I don't know much. To be fair, I only paid $30. Hell, just as an MP3 player that is a fair price. I ain't a phone guy and obviously don't work for a phone company... but can someone make a cool phone that feels like a phone? Really, I am the idiot for buying this phone. Some demographer is wettin' himself yelling 'thinner, thinner, goddamnit I want it thinner' in a Manhattan office somewhere.

So why did I get it? To be totally honest, I got it because it is so much cooler than yours. Problem is, in a few months... the technology will change again and you will have a totally cooler phone than mine. You will probably have the 34 megapixel telephoto camera phone that hovers. Me? I'll be stuck with this for two years, less I pay the penalty contract thingy which apparently involves $200 and "at least one of your dogs."