The Guiness Book

When I grew up, the Guiness Book of world records was a holy and revered thing. It was reserved for the upper echelons of endurance and skill. I think it may all be a croc. I was watching the Food Network last night, like I do every Sunday night at 11 pm. They were looking to set a Guiness world record for highest popcorn structure that looks like something. Someone did something in popcorn that was 16 feet, so they wanted to do something that was 19 feet.

Really, is that a necessary or pertinent record? I was reminded of this when I watched the pancake challenge two weeks ago (same time slot), and their dude had not only won the 'most pancakes made in an hour', but was also the record holder for running a marathon whilst flipping a pancake the whole time. Really? Is that last one really necessary or pertinent? They kinda seem to be handing these records out willy nilly.

See, there is a reason why popcorn didn't go to 19 feet before. There is a reason no one ran a marathon flipping a pancake before. No one cares. How about this? What is the Guiness Book of World Records record for still trying to use a chapstick way after it is clearly empty? What if I do that while walking around with three soup spoons in my pocket humming Billy Joel songs. Know what the record is for that? Guess what, there ain't one (I looked). Ergo, I am making a run at it. The Guiness folks haven't yet returned my calls, but expect to see me on the Food Network any day now, suckers!