I was wrong

There it is, I said it. With a weighty name like 'I am Correct', I am held to a higher standard. On rather rare occasions, I am wrong. It happened once with the 2004 election, and on this stingray business. A couple of weeks ago, I did an elegy for the croc hunter, which turned out mostly to bag on Australians for attacking Stingrays.

Dude, I'm totally freaking out. Stingrays have changed the playbook, and have turned on mankind. All the rules have changed, and the ocean is now our enemy. Check out this story that broke today:

An 81-year-old resident was in critical condition today, a day after a spotted eagle stingray jumped onto his boat in the Intracoastal Waterway and stabbed him in the chest, leaving a foot-long barb stuck in his heart, authorities said.

WTF? A Stingray jumped into dude's boat and then stung him? They can't just jump on the boat and do stuff like that, can they? I mean, aren't there rules? Stingrays can't jump, can they? I mean, it's flat. Flat things can't jump, can they? This changes everything. I mean, Steve Irwin was messin' with the Stingray, and so it defended itself. Ok, he was fair game Mr Stingray. This is out of line, though. This guy wasn't even fishing.

Know what this means? Since I am American, this means war. I am driving to California tonight. I am going to get a gun and when I get to the beach... I am just going to start shooting at the ocean. Oh yeah, this is how we solve things, baby! Then, I am going to reload and charter a boat. Don't worry, I'll be wearing a kevlar life jacket. I am going to get out as deep as we can and I am just going to shoot a few hundred rounds straight down. This is America, bubba. Don't mess with the best!